Explaining The Best Picture Nominations.

nedhepburn:

• Hugo.
  Martin Scorcese makes a film about a young French boy who learns about the magic of early filmmaking; also attempts to save a twelve year old prostitute (Jodie Foster) from her pimp.
• The Descendants.
  You were expecting a documentary about the punk group of the same name and this is not that.
• Moneyball.
  A 90 minute close-up of Mark Zuckerberg’s right testicle.
• Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close
  “America is totally ready to relive 9/11 and have Woody from Toy Story die in it, too” - actual movie producers
• War Horse.
  Not “War Whores”, surprisingly. 
• The Help.
  America falls in love with screen darling Emma Stone; black people. 
• Midnight In Paris.
  Woody Allen has Owen Wilson narrate his Flickr account while Marion Cotillard and Lea Seydoux further cement my flapper fetish.
• The Artist.
  The only time a dog and a French person with a giant head have ever been charming. 
• The Tree Of Life.
  Nobody has seen this movie.

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